Red vs Who?
by Bodyless Shadow
Summary: The Doctor is really in trouble now. He has faced countless monsters, saved worlds and universes, but nothing could have prepared him for this. Watch, or read rather, The Doctor face his biggest challenge yet. Incompetent soldiers. He knew there was a reason that he didn't drink. Rated T just because.
1. Chapter 1

**Happy New Year Fanfiction. This is Bodyless Shadow with another story for you guys. I just want to say that I'm going to have a ton of fun. Also, if you have any friends that are interested in RvB or Dr. Who, tell them about this story. It would greatly appreciate if you did. Characters may be OOC. Oh well.  
Disclaimer: I don't own either of these.**

* * *

"Ugh...what happened?"

The Doctor sat up and rubbed his head. He looked around and saw he was in a canyon with two structures, one on each end. He noticed that he didn't go far from the TARDIS before he passed out. Unfortunately, it was out of power.  
"Did I drink last night?" He wondered aloud. Everything was a blurred mess in his head. His head hurt and it was painful to look in the sunlight. He must have gotten drunk, and then took the TARDIS on a joyride to...somewhere. At least he was in a shady alcove.  
"Well, might as well see if anyone has a problem as long as I'm here." He waited a few minutes for the headache to go down before he headed out. If only he had just stayed there. Then he might have sparred himself from going on the weirdest adventure ever. Of all time.

The Doctor stepped out of the cave and found himself on a ledge, some 15-20 feet high extending to the canyon floor. He was able to get a better look at one of the structures from his vantage point. He could see that the building wasn't very tall, about 7 feet tall, not counting the struts at each of the eight corners. There was a hole in the roof, which lead The Doctor to believe that the roof was actually a platform, and the hole was there for easy access to the inside of the building. His theory was strengthened when he noticed two ramps leading up to the platform and an opening for access to the bottom floor. He also noticed a large amount of red flags on building.

He was about to go out and investigate further when he saw two humanoid beings walking out of the front and taking positions on top of the platform. The Doctor immediately ducked behind a bush that was on the ledge he was standing on. He was hoping the beings didn't see him. He looked at beings carefully from his position. Each had a similar build, with plated skin that seemed like it would be hard to damage. Their heads also had the same plating as their bodies, covering the entire skull except for the one huge yellowish eye in the middle of their face. In all, of his years, the doctor had never faced such a creature. He would have to proceed with caution, these creatures could be deadly. He was just lucky that the creatures didn't see him.

* * *

"What is that guy doing?" the maroon one said.

"I don't know," the orange one replied. "He does know that we can see him, right?"  
"I don't think so. I think he actually believes that we didn't see him," the maroon one said.  
"Wow. Okay so, continuing from where we left off, I spy somethi-" the orange one started.  
"Rocks." The maroon sighed as he said the answer.  
"Man, how do you do that?" the orange one said in wonder.  
The maroon just sighed and looked around for something for his turn.

* * *

_Three hours of I spy later…_

Grif and Simmons literally used everything they could see. They had to resort to using different parts of their adventures. Then they used celebrities. Grif had just guessed Matt Smith when Sarge showed up.  
"What the blazes are you doing?" Sarge barked.  
"Oh nothing," Grif replied.  
Sarge looked around the canyon expecting to see a dirty blue spying on them, but instead saw a man in a suit doing a pathetic job a hiding."Why is that man hiding behind that bush?" Sarge asked.  
"We aren't sure, sir." Simmons said.  
"We think that he might have an extreme form of stupidity. He's been hiding there form three hours." Grif continued.  
Sarge looked in the man's direction for awhile before he asked, "Hand me that Spartan Laser, will ya?"  
Simmons handed Sarge the laser and he aimed it a little to the left of the doctor and fired. The man flew out of the bush and ran towards the direction of blue base.  
"Sarge?" Simmons asked."Why didn't you kill him?"  
"I figured I would give him a warning shot. Let him know who's boss." Sarge replied. "Well you showed him." Simmons said.

* * *

The Doctor ran as fast as he could away from that building. In the three hours that he spent sitting there thinking about all the things that were happening, he noticed that all of those creatures were a shade of red, probably signifying that there are all part of the same tribe. The Doctor had to be careful, now that he knew that those creatures can fire lasers from their eyes. If only he had a companion with him. At least on every other adventure, he had someone to help him. He wondered what everyone was doi-.  
"HELLO!" screamed something from behind him.  
"AAAAAHH!" screamed The Doctor. He turned around and saw another one of those creatures, only this one blue. The doctor suspected that these were the only two tribes in this canyon.  
"Hello my name is Caboose. What is yours?" the creature said.  
"Oh well my name is-." The doctor tried to say before another called from the structure close by. The doctor noticed that this building had large amount blue flags.  
"Caboose!" The voice screamed. "Caboose, come back! You know you're not allowed outside the base until you finish your breakfast!"  
"Hold on Mr. Penguin." Caboose told The Doctor. "I did have my breakfast!"  
"Eating candy doesn't count!" another voice screamed.  
"No one asked you Tucker!"  
Tucker yelled back, "If you don't eat, you have to stay in the base when Church comes!" At this The Doctor saw Caboose stand a little straighter.  
"Church is coming today?!" Caboose asked.  
"Yeah, so if you want to see him come back and eat your breakfast!" the other voice said.  
"Okay Agent Washingtub!" Caboose said with joy.  
"Come on Monkey-man!" Caboose said to The Doctor. "You can come to our base, and can tell about all our adventures, and we can be friends, but not as much as me and Church are, and can tell me stories, and then we can go on adventures, and we can fly kites, and we can have sleepovers, and we can play Griffball, and..."  
Caboose continued to talk as he and The Doctor walked to the base, neither of the noticing the glimmer of a humanoid figure behind them.

* * *

**So that's the first chapter. I really appreciate everyone that has read this story. All 5 of you. You guys really keep me going. I'm so glad that this many people read this story. I really was only expecting my two friends that I wrote this for to read this. I can't wait to put up the next chapter. Until next time.  
Always Watching,  
Bodyless Shadow**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello Fanfiction, Bodyless Shadow here again with some more Red vs Who? Sorry it took so long. I promise that it won't take as long next time. It was really great to see all your feedback and I was super excited to do this one. I hope you guys enjoy! Warning: Possible harsh language. Also some OOC. That means that some people may be out of character. Just in case some of you didn't know.  
Disclaimer: I don't own Dr. Who or RvB.**

* * *

The Doctor and Caboose arrived at the blue base just as Caboose finished telling how he and Church saved the universe by themselves while everyone else did absolutely nothing at all. _This Church is truly amazing,_ e_specially if he's able to do everything as a ghost/robot thing._ When they walked into the base, the Doctor saw two people waiting for them. One had light-ish blue skin with a yellow stripe on each shoulder and along the middle of his forehead. Caboose said this one's name was Agent Washington. The one had cyan/aqua colored skin. _So, this one must be Tucker,_ the Doctor thought. Caboose described him as a "best friend stealing that never lets anyone play with his super lame sword. Not that anyone would want to because it's super lame." Cabooses words, not his.

"Uh…Caboose," Tucker said. "Who is this?"  
"This is Professor Canli." Caboose said before the Doctor could answer.

"Actually, that isn't my name. You can call me the Doctor." The Doctor volunteered.

"Well, why is he here?" Washington inquired. "Especially without armor on?" _Armor?  
_ "Well, I found him outside of the blue base, and I wanted to know if we could keep him." Caboose said.

"Wait." The Doctor said, kind-of confused, causing him to have all the attention again. "You mean that all of you are human?" the Doctor asked.

"Uhhhhh…yes! Wait…no. Can you repeat the question?" Caboose asked, causing the Doctors confusion to grow even more.

"What Caboose was trying to say is, yes, we're human. Wait else would we be?" Washington answered for Caboose.

"I was?" Caboose asked, with his question being ignored.

"So, the other, very hostile, things across the valley…" the Doctor started to ask.

"You mean the guys in red armor on the other side of the canyon?" Tucker asked, to which the Doctor nodded hesitantly.  
"Ah, the red team. Yes, they're human, although in the loosest form of the word." Washington said in an annoyed voice.

The Doctor was somewhat relieved by this news. Then he started to get curious about something else while he was looking at Washington's armor. "Hey?" He asked curiously. "Where did you get the armor?

"Why?" Tucker asked.

"Well, if I'm going to be here for awhile, I might as well ear the fashion." The Doctor responded as if he was talking to a small child.

"Okay…" Washington thought while causally swinging his gun, in a way that made the Doctor realize who the one that had the upper hand was. "Well, I think that we have a spare set in the back, but what's in it for us?"

"Well, we are down one team member," Tucker stated. "Maybe he could help us?"

"Can you aim a gun and pull a trigger?" Washington said in a tone that said that he really did not believe in the Doctor's ability to do so.

"Yes?" the Doctor responded, unsure of his ability to do so.

Tucker sighed, as he knew that this was going to be a process that he was not going to like dealing with. "Okay, good enough I guess, you're in. Follow me."

All the while, Caboose was jumping up and down with joy, while Washington and Tucker explained all the things that the Doctor needed to know. The Doctor just could help but life at Caboose's child-like antics. Maybe this whole thing _would_ turn out okay. Right?,..Right?

* * *

_Meanwhile, at the Red Base…  
_

"Grif!" Sarge hollered in an annoyed tone.

"What?" Grif yelled back, equally annoyed.

"Donut found something while he was out jogging today. He sounded pretty urgent on the radio, and I need you to come with me as live bait in case something dangerous happens." Sarge replied.

Grif sighed in disappointment, as his uneventful day was looking like it would turn into another adventure. "Fine! I'm coming!" He said as he hurried half-heartedly after Sarge.

When they arrived at the spot, they were greeted by a half-opened 1960s phone booth, but Donut was nowhere in sight.

"Donut?" Grif called out in faked worry. "Where are you? Are you dead? 'Cause I would be okay if you were.

"I'm in the phone booth!" Donut called from inside. "You guys have to check this out! It is so much roomier in here than it looks from the outside!"

Grif and Sarge looked at each other and shrugged then walked inside the ancient device and were immediately confused about what they are seeing. They were in a room that was octagonal and fairly big with a large machine of some sort, possibly the controls to the device, in the middle. It had two screen and tons of buttons and levers below them. Donut was standing next to the device and was pressing random buttons and levers, making weird sound effects as he did so. The room was covered many lights and other panels with buttons, radars, screens, levers, and doohickeys galore. Although, most of the things were off, the only reason for light was probably some back-up power, and that seemed to be running low. Grif and Sarge saw many passages, stairs, and elevators around the room leading to who-knows-where. For all they knew, this whole machine could be big enough to house an entire planet with room to spare.

Donut noticed them after about a minute or two, and Grif and Sarge could tell he was very excited about this. "Guys, isn't this super cool?"

Sarge took another look around the place. "Okay…let's blow this up and get back to work," he said flatly, clearly not interested by anything that this machine had in store.

"What?!" Donut whined. "Why? This thing is really cool!"

"Do you even know what this thing does?" Sarge asked.

"Uh…well…I'm working on…I'm trying to…If you could just let me…no. No I do not." Donut said after much thought. "I've tried almost everything, and nothing seems to make this thing turn on."

"And what do you think will happen if we somehow _do_ manage to turn this contraption on?" Sarge asked.

Donut sighed. "It would probably turn into another adventure that we have to work with the blues to defeat some bad guy far away from here," he said in one breath.

"Exactly, and I made it clear, there will be absolutely NO adventures for us for at least a month! Besides, only one more week left, and destroying this machine won't affect us anyways, right?" Sarge explained.

"Yeah, I guess." Donut sighed in disappointment.

"Great!" Grif exclaimed in joy. "I couldn't agree with you more, Sarge! I'll go right now and get all the explosives we have in the base. In fact, Command is sending us more supplies tomorrow, so if we postpone the demolition day, we can have a bigger explosion!"

"No, no today is fine." Sarge said, inching a little away from Grif. He never seen Grif more excited to actually _do_ work.

"Okay, now I have to make a list on all the explosives in the base." Grif said to himself as he left to get the explosives. "Let's see, there's grenades, the Grifshot, the rocket launchers, mines, fusion coils, the EMP cannon…I might have to make a few trips!" Sarge and Donut watched Grif walk back to the base, the whole time thinking of all the explosives that he could use to blow the machine sky-high.

"Uh…yes…well," Sarge mumbled in shock. "Let's go back to the base so I can lay down for a bit," he said as he left for the base.

"Okay sir. I'll be right there." Donut called. "I just have to find my gun!"

As Donut looked around, he found a switch that was labeled "Defenses"that was switched on. Being curious, Donut turned the switch off. As soon as he did so, the lights became slightly brighter. Donut quickly found his gun and ran towards the base, leaving the TARDIS completely undefended.

* * *

_At the Blue Base…_

The Doctor was finally beginning to settle into his armor when someone, a feminine voice he noted, called from outside the base, "Hello? Is anyone there?"

Everyone else was in the storage room in the back of the base looking for Caboose's gun. The Doctor didn't answer, incase this was someone he shouldn't trust.

"There's something on your motion tracker," someone, a male voice this time, said. "It's faint, but it's there."

"Maybe it's hostile," the female said.

"You think?" the male asked.

"I'm going in," the female said.

"I've got your back," the male said.

Before the Doctor had any time to ponder anything that was said, a cyan/aqua armored person stepped into the base with their gun aimed right between the Doctor's eyes.

"Freeze!" the girl said as the Doctor threw his arms up in the air. _So this is what the girl looks like,_ the Doctor thought. _So where's the guy?_

Suddenly out of nowhere, a holographic image of another person, about half the height of the Doctor's calf, appeared above the girl's shoulder. It was a faded bluish-white color with a tint of red, and was carrying a sniper rifle. "Where are they you piece of sh*t?!" The hologram roared at the Doctor. "What did you do them?!"

The Doctor had been around for long enough to read people's emotions. He could tell that this hologram had some kind of deep connection with the Blues, and also cared for their well-being.

"So, I'm going to guess that you're Church," the Doctor said to the hologram. At this the hologram's image seemed to fizzle for a moment before its image into a man that was completely on fire.

"How did you know that?" Church said in a voice that made it clear to the Doctor that had Church had a real body and a real gun, the Doctor would have been shot several times by now.

Thankfully for the Doctor, Caboose burst into the room at just that moment. "Church! Carolina!" You're here!" he screamed in excitement as he ran over and gave Carolina a hug that almost broke her back. As Caboose told them both everything that had happened since the last time that they had visited, the Doctor wasn't sure of what to make of the two new arrivals. The only thing that he was sure of was that he really, REALLY, regretted getting drunk.

* * *

**I really want to thank all of you for wanting so patiently for me to update. I'm so sorry to keep you guys waiting. I just wanted to give you guys an explanation for the Doctor's behavior. He had just woken up in a strange place with an extremely bad hangover. Everything is completely unfamiliar to him, and he has no one to help him make sense of anything. I hope that explains the Doctor's strange behavior, for those of you that were confused. Thanks so much for reading, and please tell your friends.**

**Always watching,**

**Bodyless Shadow**


	3. Author's Note

**Okay guys so here's the story. I was writing the original chapter 3 of this story on my phone. It was going quite well actually. It is what I wrote the first two chapters on. Unfortunately, about a week ago, I lost my phone. Which means I lost the rough draft to chapter three. So what I am going to do is write a filler chapter, that was supposed to be written later, now. It might actually be a separate story, Who knows?(get it?) Anyways, sorry about the delay, and I am going to keep on looking for my phone. Plus, I sort-of forgot the majority of the chapter, but if it comes back to me, I won't need my phone. So fingers crossed either way.**

**Always Watching,**

**Bodyless Shadow**


End file.
